So Sick & Tired

Why is it so hard...! Its making me wanna give up.. but no.. I'm not gonna give up. well, to be honest i like moderate challenges, just not that extreme!.. US dollars going up every minute, hour , day, why the fuck?!.. 0.1 might not appear as much difference but when it comes to like thousands of cash, it matters and differs a lot!!.. Got an option though, well its not like it'll help a lot.. but yeah, work part time illegally.. gawshhh.. i'd do anything for new york huh.. =/

xoxo

In the Phase of Depression

I'm fucking poor. I'm fucking broke, cashless, whatever you call it. Yes, it's true, and that's not helping me on getting what I need, well want, too. So.. i got so emotionally sick, i made this...


i need bling and money,
i don't need no honey,
it's all about the dope,
the base of gaining hope,
i want that stylish NYC,
with peeps covered with MAC,
but i aint got no cash,
and i aint want no pash,
i need those green paper,
so mate see ya later.


xoxo

Kids Don't Stand A Chance.

When i'm about to get what i want, i tend to throw it all away, which is pretty weird. Anyway, the thing is, after all the fucking loads of emails i sent, a super duper kind 23yr old lady replied and say that she'll reserve the room for me, but as I'm a really superfucking honest person, i sorta replied her, telling her my age and stuff, well, cause she was like telling me bout the deposit, documents, blah blah "as if i understand" official stuffs. i'm looking forward for a positive and exceptional answer from her, yeah. there's like only 50 % chance though, who would wanna rent a room to a stupidfucking 15 yr old? they usually go like.. "you're too young, oops." in an indirect manner. well.. fingers crossed.

xoxo

Frustration

It's so hard to find hostels, they won't accommodate anyone below the age of 18. How hateful, huh? I sent so much emails it still doesn't work out. Well... You know what? I'm just gonna try a little bit harder, and see if there's any light at the end of this black hole, trying is definitely no harm, but sometimes, it can be pretty much a waste of time..

xoxo

NYC on my mind

Let's see.. My mind's filled with nothing but Parson's, East Village, Alexander Wang, um.. and the need of cash, and the big apple aka NYC aka NEW YORK CITY. Nothing else seems to stay long enough in my mind currently, i mean besides all that I've mentioned. I haven't really got the cash, just almost like, half of it, but mom's kind of like sponsoring some, so that's kinda nice of her *surprisingly. When the time comes, I'm gonna ask dad to sponsor the airplane tickets, and hopefully part of the rental fees. AND THE FACT THAT THE US DOLLAR become some how more "valuable" as in the currency is like 1 US dollar : RM 3.6 . , makes me so frustrated! It's like, in a marathon, you see the finishing line!!!! and then!! some fag!! change the finishing line wayyyy.. further!!... BUT. I'm not gonna give up like this. I've set my goal, time to achieve it, whether my results turn up to be failure or success, the process of it makes it all worth while, but i personally, definitely wants SUCCESS, who doesn't want that? Nobody, so that makes my point.

P.S. - whatever "you" do won't make me suffer the state of being "emotionally broken down" or stuff like that, because I have objectives and that's all I will ever think of right now, so sorry if you tried to like.. make me feel shitty or stuff cause you definitely failed. =)

XOXO

New York I Love You !

I printed out the parsons thing catalog, couldn't wait for it to get mailed over , though that would be nicer, but what i need is the facts, though i think the original forms are included in the catalog that they are about to send over to my place, right at my doorsteps. Doing is the opposite of hoping/wishing, i contacted the person by email and they added my address in their mailing list. Now ,basically all I need is the cash, and i think visa or something like that. The campus housing is oh so fucking expensive! holyshit, if only i had a friend to accompany me to take this course thingy, then we could share the rental cost/fees and it'll be waaaayyy.. cheaper. i hate the fact that the campus housing has like.. these weird curfews.. ugghh.. anyway too much of imaginations, all i gotta do now is get a fucking job, so i could get some fucking dope, then i'll be able to go NY.

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.



( i find this song interesting , not sad-ish. )