Frustration

It's so hard to find hostels, they won't accommodate anyone below the age of 18. How hateful, huh? I sent so much emails it still doesn't work out. Well... You know what? I'm just gonna try a little bit harder, and see if there's any light at the end of this black hole, trying is definitely no harm, but sometimes, it can be pretty much a waste of time..

xoxo

NYC on my mind

Let's see.. My mind's filled with nothing but Parson's, East Village, Alexander Wang, um.. and the need of cash, and the big apple aka NYC aka NEW YORK CITY. Nothing else seems to stay long enough in my mind currently, i mean besides all that I've mentioned. I haven't really got the cash, just almost like, half of it, but mom's kind of like sponsoring some, so that's kinda nice of her *surprisingly. When the time comes, I'm gonna ask dad to sponsor the airplane tickets, and hopefully part of the rental fees. AND THE FACT THAT THE US DOLLAR become some how more "valuable" as in the currency is like 1 US dollar : RM 3.6 . , makes me so frustrated! It's like, in a marathon, you see the finishing line!!!! and then!! some fag!! change the finishing line wayyyy.. further!!... BUT. I'm not gonna give up like this. I've set my goal, time to achieve it, whether my results turn up to be failure or success, the process of it makes it all worth while, but i personally, definitely wants SUCCESS, who doesn't want that? Nobody, so that makes my point.

P.S. - whatever "you" do won't make me suffer the state of being "emotionally broken down" or stuff like that, because I have objectives and that's all I will ever think of right now, so sorry if you tried to like.. make me feel shitty or stuff cause you definitely failed. =)

XOXO

New York I Love You !

I printed out the parsons thing catalog, couldn't wait for it to get mailed over , though that would be nicer, but what i need is the facts, though i think the original forms are included in the catalog that they are about to send over to my place, right at my doorsteps. Doing is the opposite of hoping/wishing, i contacted the person by email and they added my address in their mailing list. Now ,basically all I need is the cash, and i think visa or something like that. The campus housing is oh so fucking expensive! holyshit, if only i had a friend to accompany me to take this course thingy, then we could share the rental cost/fees and it'll be waaaayyy.. cheaper. i hate the fact that the campus housing has like.. these weird curfews.. ugghh.. anyway too much of imaginations, all i gotta do now is get a fucking job, so i could get some fucking dope, then i'll be able to go NY.

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.



( i find this song interesting , not sad-ish. )

MONEY CASH DIAMONDS GOLD whatever that cost a lot.

I wanna be in New York, even though if I could go right now, it will be totally pointless, I don't have cash, probably just the tickets. I need cash, money, whatever. Seriously, I'll do whatever to get them. Like.. seriously, anything. Alexander Wang's inspired me of going to New York. I'd admit i really want to meet him but my main objective is to experience the arts and whatever I can get, and of course the summer course, and the park which i kinda forget what park it is again , oops. IF is a pointless word, over using of IF s will get just bring me to no where, and yea, just sitting at home dreaming. I have to think of a job.. I'm just fucking fourteen, I wish people will not underestimate the matters of age, its just a number, no wait i shouldn't say people, i should say the country I'm living in now? giving teens no hopes or shall i say, nothing at all. no fucking summer jobs to fucking earn fucking dope. it's like, they don't fucking care, that is why there's crime, drug related shit, rape and all sorts, cause people here has fucking nothing to do, and that's relating to poor peeps like me, rich kids can hang around wasting themselves and cash all day long because they can! but poor kids are ignored? what the fuck? give us some jobs ! gosh. and your fucking part time jobs are like 4 bucks per hour for like.. 16 and above? what the fuck?? 4 fucking bucks only?? in ringgit??! at least the average in Singapore is like 6 Singaporean dollars per hour!!.. gosh.. and did i mention that you get 8 Aussie dollars in Aussie?? what the fuck ? four fucking ringgit??... That gives me more determination to go to NY, so yeah, thanks for your fucking treatments!..

p.s. - I'm just saying facts. "they" are not giving us peeps chances.

DREAMS. PLEASE become my REALITY.

I have an ambition. No, I have ambitions. Probably I'm too ambitious but that's just me, I guess. Examples, I want to take courses in Newyork, but, I guess my parents won't give me the permission and money. Most of the courses , the problems are either because of me being underage or either it being too overpriced. Yes, I'm not those rich kiddos. I'm just less than ordinary kid trying to live life in a more experiencing way, not just wasting the days away, or even wasting themselves at night. I guess, I'm plain boring, but probably I'm just different, just a little bit different . I want to accomplish things, because I feel useless. I want to experience things and not just seeing people experiencing them.

_______________________________________________________________

i.

http://www.parsons.edu/pre_enrollment/summer_ny.aspx

Yes. Like the url above, a summer course/program indeed. But you know what? I'm underage. I'll check back in next year and yeah, if im 15+ and im still not qualified, i'll check back in 2011, hopefully i'll still be available. & PARSONS? That's gotta be like.. One of my dream place to go right after college but if possible, high school.

_______________________________________________________________

ii. (to be continued)



*sighs. sighing for? being poor? being not beautiful? being kinda dumb? being loveless? being funless? well.. sighs for being useless actually.. i have to do something bout my life. teen age = boys & party? noway. its more than that, its way much more than that, and thats actually not it, the real thing is, time for planning. finding your way to your future career. and i believe mine has got something to do with art.. anyways.


xoxo

Im So Over That Phase

It's sickening bored stuck at home. Hopefully tomorrow wouldn't be bored,
as that isn't what i would expect, but i don't do predictions so, will see
then. Beach, friends, drinks, that goes my saturday then. My birthday's coming
and I'm not excited. I was few years back. Since recently i never been. I actually forget that my birthday was near until suelyn mentioned hers on facebook.
Birthday by the beach perhaps??.. I don't know really.. Ahh, gay, before my birthday, i've to go to the dentist again...