MONEY CASH DIAMONDS GOLD whatever that cost a lot.

I wanna be in New York, even though if I could go right now, it will be totally pointless, I don't have cash, probably just the tickets. I need cash, money, whatever. Seriously, I'll do whatever to get them. Like.. seriously, anything. Alexander Wang's inspired me of going to New York. I'd admit i really want to meet him but my main objective is to experience the arts and whatever I can get, and of course the summer course, and the park which i kinda forget what park it is again , oops. IF is a pointless word, over using of IF s will get just bring me to no where, and yea, just sitting at home dreaming. I have to think of a job.. I'm just fucking fourteen, I wish people will not underestimate the matters of age, its just a number, no wait i shouldn't say people, i should say the country I'm living in now? giving teens no hopes or shall i say, nothing at all. no fucking summer jobs to fucking earn fucking dope. it's like, they don't fucking care, that is why there's crime, drug related shit, rape and all sorts, cause people here has fucking nothing to do, and that's relating to poor peeps like me, rich kids can hang around wasting themselves and cash all day long because they can! but poor kids are ignored? what the fuck? give us some jobs ! gosh. and your fucking part time jobs are like 4 bucks per hour for like.. 16 and above? what the fuck?? 4 fucking bucks only?? in ringgit??! at least the average in Singapore is like 6 Singaporean dollars per hour!!.. gosh.. and did i mention that you get 8 Aussie dollars in Aussie?? what the fuck ? four fucking ringgit??... That gives me more determination to go to NY, so yeah, thanks for your fucking treatments!..

p.s. - I'm just saying facts. "they" are not giving us peeps chances.

DREAMS. PLEASE become my REALITY.

I have an ambition. No, I have ambitions. Probably I'm too ambitious but that's just me, I guess. Examples, I want to take courses in Newyork, but, I guess my parents won't give me the permission and money. Most of the courses , the problems are either because of me being underage or either it being too overpriced. Yes, I'm not those rich kiddos. I'm just less than ordinary kid trying to live life in a more experiencing way, not just wasting the days away, or even wasting themselves at night. I guess, I'm plain boring, but probably I'm just different, just a little bit different . I want to accomplish things, because I feel useless. I want to experience things and not just seeing people experiencing them.

_______________________________________________________________

i.

http://www.parsons.edu/pre_enrollment/summer_ny.aspx

Yes. Like the url above, a summer course/program indeed. But you know what? I'm underage. I'll check back in next year and yeah, if im 15+ and im still not qualified, i'll check back in 2011, hopefully i'll still be available. & PARSONS? That's gotta be like.. One of my dream place to go right after college but if possible, high school.

_______________________________________________________________

ii. (to be continued)



*sighs. sighing for? being poor? being not beautiful? being kinda dumb? being loveless? being funless? well.. sighs for being useless actually.. i have to do something bout my life. teen age = boys & party? noway. its more than that, its way much more than that, and thats actually not it, the real thing is, time for planning. finding your way to your future career. and i believe mine has got something to do with art.. anyways.


xoxo

Im So Over That Phase

It's sickening bored stuck at home. Hopefully tomorrow wouldn't be bored,
as that isn't what i would expect, but i don't do predictions so, will see
then. Beach, friends, drinks, that goes my saturday then. My birthday's coming
and I'm not excited. I was few years back. Since recently i never been. I actually forget that my birthday was near until suelyn mentioned hers on facebook.
Birthday by the beach perhaps??.. I don't know really.. Ahh, gay, before my birthday, i've to go to the dentist again...

Spillage

Lady GaGa- Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) [music playing at the moment]

Okay I wasn't soooooo... honest. This is like the, surrender & i suck, i'm shit, im all that fuck version.


You're a loser, but you're stuck on my mind, which actually sucks & which makes me a bigger loser. Tearing my heart apart til veins and capillaries tangles up and froze in silence is probably you're main intention, and yeah! heck yeah you accomplished. you're probably the most unforgettable lad i've ever date, but though i you know, urm, you just know it ok, i *fill in the blanks* you, but i've never thought of ever dating you again, but whenever you date someone (usually when they're not that hot), i don't feel so good.. well WHATEVER, the word you hate most.

Forget Not Regret

it's time to forget
the one that i once adore
you've found your little pet
with all that petty fame (definitely not pretty fame)
i've known since the beginning
and this is not a game
so you're totally not winning
you're just plain lame now
wearing the pants doesn't make you cool
but neither a silly cow
though indeed an awkward fool
i'll admit i fell into that trap
of you sweet little talk
but what's behind are all crap
like the fictitious jack and the bean stalk (meaning fantasy)

- elizabeth bennet <3









Hah, it seems like my predictions were right all along. There was a bitch behind the scenes of your little sweet flirtatious words. That is so gay. I hate to be lied to! Fuck you bastard. Yes, i wished you could read this, but that'll be just odd. You tell your fucking friends that I make no sense to you ( & they helped you by presenting you a bitch [i didn't know people who do these shit are called friends] ) but you are fucking dense, you actually widget-fy me and your fucking little pet, & you tell me to make a decision to keep you or not, and when i gave you an answer between the lines, you deleted me from your little widgety screen. How fucking retarded is that?? And fuck yeah, I totally knew you had this kinda lame thing on your mind, which is one of my fucking intelligent reason to not ever, ever, hook up with you! Ewh! The thought of you totally make me sick! You're a cavity! I have my panadols (little shags that kills boredom!), now all I need is a toothbrush?? Whatever. You can fucking shag whoever you fucking want, cause honestly, I don't care at all! You're so fucking gay!! Ewwhhhhh!! Feelings are not for playing, if thats what you and your little brainless whores refer to! There's no good thing about you! Like, first of all you suck, second, you suck even more, third you're like a fucking asshole dipped into shit!! Or whatever! Ewwh! You make my eye sore when I look at you, and i get migranes when my brain thinks like, "oh em gee, its you!" !! My fucking point is that I really really FUCKING HATE YOU!! Urghh!! You totally, absolutely make me sick!! I am totally OUT OF WORDS!

FUCK YOU.

Thoughts of mine

you're a joke that's not funny
you're coffee that taste sour
you're panadols that expired
you're vodka that feels like water
you're sex that feels like anesthetic was taken

you're full of lies that blind some minds but mine ain't one of them
you're just a fucked up who's like ass but a whore magnet

yeah. you suck.

I FUCKING HATE YOU.

CLANDESTINE